Erik Huber
Erik Huber
Hi, my name is Erik Huber and I want to talk to you about a dilemma that many of my clients fall into. Especially one of the places I see this happen very frequently is with parents. If a parent loses a child or a parent has a child who has a catastrophic accident, that's going to affect the rest of their life. These devastating big things affect them, and they're miserable for months and years sometimes. I can think of clients that have been pathologically grieving the loss of a son for five years. Other clients that had diminishing injuries that two years later they're so miserable and upset about the plight that their child has to go through. Their daily experiences are one of misery.
It's a metaphorical man. He falls into a metaphorical crowded New York downtown neighborhood well. He is in a sinkhole. He can sheer people. He can hear people walking by so he's saying "help, help" and no one's stopping. People are talking on their phone, going by and avoiding the sink hole. He's so upset with the people not listening to him and hours go by. He's yelling and screaming for help and people are just ignoring him. Finally, a guy comes up to the edge of the scene, colon. He goes "Hey, are you okay?" and the guy says "No, they're disrespecting me. It's not fair. It's so unreasonable. People should help. They should at least call the 911 but no, they're not helping." and the guy says back to him "Oh my God, I couldn't agree with you more." and he jumps in. Now, they're both very upset that no one will stop and help them so they were both yelling and yelling and yelling. Finally, this woman stops and she says "Hey, are you guys okay?" and they say "No, they're not listening. It's not fair. They're disrespecting us." and she goes "Oh, would you like me to lower a rope?" and they said "Oh, a rope. It's a good idea. Yeah, I think so. We'd like a rope". So she ties a rope off and lowers it down. They climb out of the sink hole. Now we've got all three out and that's the whole story. They're rescued.
Now we can ask three important questions.
The first guy that was in the well, did it help him for the second guy to jump in the water with him?
No, it didn't. He was still stuck in the, well, the second guy.
The second guy, did it help him to jump in the well with the first guy?
No, clearly it did not help him at all.
Third question, the woman who lowered the rope, if she would have jumped in the well with them, could she have rescued them?
No.
The moral of the story is don't jump into well, if someone is in this low place. They need you to be the rock in the midst of the stormy sea that they are trapped in. They need you to keep your positive spirits. They need you to take good care of yourself. They need your positivity, your laughter, your humor. They need you leading them away from the misery and towards happiness, joy and fulfillment. That's what our friends need for it.
I asked one of my clients "What kind of parent would be happy, fulfilled, and joyful while their son is miserable?" and the client said "Oh, a terrible parent.That would be the most un-empathetic thing in the world." and I disagree with him. I think it would be an effective parent that would remain joyful, happy, fulfilled and share that happiness, fulfillment and joy with their child. That person does not need more misery and what are you bringing to the table? Bringing misery. Do they need more misery? No.
If you liked this video, I got a bunch more on my website and I have a free 20 minute phone consultation.
Please give me a call. I'd love to hear from you.