Alexandra Stockwell MD  

Alexandra Stockwell MD   

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Question: How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage? By Alexandra

How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage?   

Hi I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I'm here to answer the question "How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage?". There are three secrets to doing that.


Answer is...

1  Secret #1 Cultivate Curiosity   

If you aren't getting along with your spouse--you're in the middle of a conflict, or you're feelings are hurt--the best way to create a new dynamic is to take a breath. Then, with a neutral tone and genuine interest, ask an open-ended question. 

As you cultivate curiosity, you will find yourself getting along with your partner a lot more easily than when you are focused on what he/she is doing that isn't working for you. 

2  Secret #2 Be More Vulnerable.   

The second secret to getting along with your partner is to be more vulnerable.

If your feelings are hurt, something is bothering you, or you feel neglected, don't respond with blame or shutting down.

Instead, ask your partner "are you available to hear something important?"

Then vulnerably share how you feel. If you don't blame and are truly vulnerable, your partner is going to be grateful and aim to do it differently next time. 

3  Secret# 3 Be Kind to Yourself, and your Partner   

The third secret is to be kind.

On the one hand, there's being nice, polite, and not hurting anyone's feelings. (If you are too nice and too polite, you're basically taking care of your partner's feelings and ignoring your own.)

On the other hand, there is being selfish: nagging, being critical, bullying. (This means prioritizing your own feelings and ignoring what your partner needs.)

Kindness is right in the middle, where your attention is on what is impacting your partner AND what is impacting you.

 

  • Cultivate Curiosity

      
  • Be More Vulnerable

      
  • Be Kind to Yourself, and your Partner

      
  • These three secrets are easy to talk about, however, many couples require guidance to live and experience it.

    If you want to get along with your spouse, I'd love to show you how. I truly believe that having a fantastic relationship is a learnable skill.

    I am Alexandra Stockwell MD. I'm a relationship and intimacy expert and I specialize in teaching couples how to create the relationship they really want. To learn more, go to  www.alexandrastockwell.com.

      

    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email
    Updated 7/10/2020 5:10:00 PM


    How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage? by Alexandra on RankingMastery

    Question: How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage??

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    Frequently Asked Questions Answered By The Team at Alexandra Stockwell MD

    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/10/2020 5:10:00 PM

    How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage?

    Hi I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I'm here to answer the question "How do I get along with my spouse in my marriage?". There are three secrets to doing that.

    Answer is:

    1   Secret #1 Cultivate Curiosity

    If you aren't getting along with your spouse--you're in the middle of a conflict, or you're feelings are hurt--the best way to create a new dynamic is to take a breath. Then, with a neutral tone and genuine interest, ask an open-ended question. 

    As you cultivate curiosity, you will find yourself getting along with your partner a lot more easily than when you are focused on what he/she is doing that isn't working for you. 


    2   Secret #2 Be More Vulnerable.

    The second secret to getting along with your partner is to be more vulnerable.

    If your feelings are hurt, something is bothering you, or you feel neglected, don't respond with blame or shutting down.

    Instead, ask your partner "are you available to hear something important?"

    Then vulnerably share how you feel. If you don't blame and are truly vulnerable, your partner is going to be grateful and aim to do it differently next time. 


    3   Secret# 3 Be Kind to Yourself, and your Partner

    The third secret is to be kind.

    On the one hand, there's being nice, polite, and not hurting anyone's feelings. (If you are too nice and too polite, you're basically taking care of your partner's feelings and ignoring your own.)

    On the other hand, there is being selfish: nagging, being critical, bullying. (This means prioritizing your own feelings and ignoring what your partner needs.)

    Kindness is right in the middle, where your attention is on what is impacting your partner AND what is impacting you.

     

  • Cultivate Curiosity

  • Be More Vulnerable

  • Be Kind to Yourself, and your Partner

  • These three secrets are easy to talk about, however, many couples require guidance to live and experience it.

    If you want to get along with your spouse, I'd love to show you how. I truly believe that having a fantastic relationship is a learnable skill.

    I am Alexandra Stockwell MD. I'm a relationship and intimacy expert and I specialize in teaching couples how to create the relationship they really want. To learn more, go to  www.alexandrastockwell.com.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/11/2020 10:21:00 PM

    How to get your husband to fall in love with you again?

    I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I am here to answer your question about how to get your husband to fall in love with you again.

    There are three steps to get your husband to fall in love with you again. Each step is something you do for yourself, which will improve his response to you. 

     

    Answer is:

    1   Step #1 Become Alluring

    What does it mean to "become alluring"? 

    It means that you become magnetic. You feel so special that you know yourself to be a rare jewel. Your magnetism emanates from you and others feel it too.

    How do you do that? See Step #2. 


    2   Step #2 Treat Yourself Well

    Relate to yourself the way you would if you were in love with you!

    If you are putting yourself down in your mind, or you look in the mirror and judge yourself, you are dishonoring yourself and others will do so too.

    Instead, put lotion on in a sensual way that brings you pleasure. Dress so you feel beautiful. Spend your time and fill your mind with things that are nourishing and delightful.

    Enjoy who you are just as you would if he were already in love with you.


    3   Step #3 Honor Your Desires

    The third step is to honor your desires, whether they're small or big.

    That doesn't necessarily mean acting on them. If you want to spend a week in Paris, it DOES NOT mean you leave today.

    It DOES mean that you don't ignore your desires. Don't suppress them. Don't override them.

    Instead, develop a beautiful relationship with your desires. Start by writing them down:

    I desire a week in Paris.
    I desire to have someone plant new greenery in my yard.
    I desire Chinese food for dinner.

    You can't control what your desires are--no one can. Part of what makes you alluring is saying "yes" to your desires. This means, whether or not you act on it, you say "yes" to whatever arises in you rather than denying it's there. Imagine, fantasize, and enjoy the yearning, and sometimes it will actually happen!

     






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/13/2020 6:17:00 PM

    How to have good sex in marriage?

    I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I am here to talk about how to have good sex in marriage.

    I'm talking about good sex early in a marriage, and also years and decades later.

    When I first became a relationship and intimacy expert, after practicing family medicine for about 12 years, it made sense to me to first focus on a couple's emotional connection. Once emotional intimacy was established, we could then focus on the dissatisfaction the couple felt with the quality and/or frequency of their sex life.

    What happened next surprised me!

    Answer is:

    1   Part #1 Emotional Connection

    Part #1 on how to have good sex in marriage:

    First focus on building rapport and cultivating emotional connection. Be vulnerable with one another and communicate well, so each person feels seen and heard.

    When I first became a coach I thought once emotional connection was established then it would be time to turn attention to what was happening in the bedroom...


    2   Part #2 Emotional Intimacy leads to Sensual Intimacy

    Part #2 to having good sex in marriage:

    In my anecdotal experience, about 80% of the time couples establish deeper emotional intimacy, sensual intimacy naturally follows.

    When both members of a couple are willing to be more vulnerable, connect in a more genuine and intimate way, their sensuality improves.

    About 20% of the time, I end up giving specific suggestions, exercises, tips and tools to do in the bedroom. But even then, the focus is still on emotional intimacy, honoring one another, quality of attention, and creating good feelings as the foundation for gratifying sexual experiences.


    3   Part #3 Positions and technique

    Part #3 on how to have good sex in marriage:

    When a couple really loves one another, the challenge often lies in being comfortable with how things have been and uncomfortable trying something new.

    It's important to be willing to touch one another in different ways, knowing you're on the same team. If you explore something and it doesn't work at as incredibly as hoped, well, then it's important to be able to laugh together, identify what was learned, and decide how to adjust things next time.

     

  • Focus on building and cultivating emotional connection.

  • Be more vulnerable with one another and learn to communicate well.

  • Be willing to try new things and learn from the experience.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/13/2020 6:20:00 PM

    The 3 secrets to a successful marriage.

    Hi. I'm Alexandra Stockwell. I am here to answer the question. There are three secrets to achieving a successful marriage.

     

    Answer is:

    1   Secret #1 Cultivate Curiosity

    The first secret is to be curious.

    Typically, when we are with a partner for many years, we think we know them inside and out. But think back to when you first fell in love. You had so many questions!

    What was his dog's name when he was in first grade?
    What did he want to be when he grew up?
    What did she dream of doing in the future when she was in high school?
    Who was her first kiss?
    What is his favorite vegetable?
    Which mountains has she climbed?

    At the beginning of a relationship, we are filled with curiosity. As you get to know your partner really well, typically the curiosity is dialed down.

    The first secret to a successful marriage is to cultivate curiosity. Revive that insatiable curiosity associated with the feeling of being in love early in a relationship.

    The best way to do that is to ask your partner open-ended questions.


    2   Secret #2 Be Vulnerable

    If you want to feel an emotional connection with your spouse, if you want to have ecstatic experiences in the bedroom, if you want to just enjoy a little date at a cafe, then the key is to be more vulnerable.

    If you want your partner to honor what you're saying and to care, and you want to feel seen, heard, considered, and cherished, be vulnerable in how you communicate.

    If you think you have been vulnerable, but you're not getting the response you want, dare to be even more vulnerable. 


    3   Secret #3 Take Responsibility

    Many people believe, when it comes to a successful marriage, that everything needs to be 50-50. Meeting one another halfway is key. That's a false idea.

    The truth is, to have a really successful marriage, both of you need to take 100% responsibility for your relationship. Both of you taking 100% responsibility makes for the most amazing, fantastic, successful marriage.

    Let's say you're each doing 50-50. Well, you're probably both going to focus on some of the same issues. The really important, most significant things will get dropped, with each of you thinking the other will deal with it. Aiming for 50% just won't serve you. 

    When one of you takes 100% responsibility (even if your partner doesn't) you are on your way to creating a really successful relationship. (My guess is you'll be pleasantly surprised and find your partner starts to do so as well.)

  • Cultivate Curiosity

  • Be Vulnerable.

  • Take Responsibility






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/16/2020 12:25:00 PM

    Why do relationships stagnate over time?

    Hi. I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I'm here to answer the question about why relationships stagnate over time. 

    Answer is:

    1   Reason #1 Growth Mindset

    Reason #1 is having a growth mindset.

    Many people believe that the most important thing is to marry the right person. While that is important, the most important thing is that you marry someone you can grow with, who also wants to grow with you. 



    2   Reason #2 Avoiding Hurt Feelings

    Reason #2 is not wanting to upset your partner.

    Many people want to avoid hurting their partner's feelings and opt to be nice and accommodating instead. However, it means that they end up holding back on things that are important to them.

    You avoid saying something that's important to you and whether it's minor or major, in the process you abandon your desires. You prioritize the peace and put your discontent under the rug.

    That seems to work well. However, if you are holding yourself back the rest of the time, when you get to the bedroom, there's no switch to flip that helps you suddenly be fully expressed, fully present, and passionate. Compromising what matters to you in order to make it easier for your partner definitely leads to stagnation in the relationship.


    3   Reason #3 Lack of Education

    Reason #3 is a lack of education.

    If you want to know how to use your growth mindset and share all of yourself with your partner (and be received) you need to find a teacher.

    If you want to shed stagnation in your relationship and replace it with a vital, dynamic, passionate partnership, reach out to me. My name is Alexandra Stockwell and I specialize in showing couples how to create long-lasting, stable, passionate, beautiful relationships. I'd love to show you how!

    www.alexandrastockwell.com






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Alexandra
    Alexandra Stockwell MD
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 7/16/2020 12:25:00 PM

    Why do so many married couples live like roommates?

    I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and today I'm going to talk about why so many married couples end up living like roommates. There are two parts to the answer.

    Answer is:

    1   Part #1 Why does it happen?

    When couples first get together they're often so happy to find a companion-- someone reliable, comforting, and safe.

    When you lean too far into that sense of safety and familiarity, the passion falls away. Safety and stability dominate which leads to the disappearance of chemistry, mystery, and spontaneity.

    That is why so many couples ended up living like roommates. 


    2   Part #2 What can you do about it?

    What can you do to bring back the passion?

    Many people grow up learning that the key to a great relationship is to compromise. With this view, it's important to avoid making your partner uncomfortable, and it's best to put your own needs aside for the sake of your partner. I completely disagree with that.

    The key to reigniting passion and deepening intimacy is learning to become uncompromising. It means learning how to bring all of who you are to your relationship, and making room for your partner to do the same. 

    You learn to speak up when something matters to you. This does not mean you are dominating or that you get your way. It means you reveal the truth of who you are and figure it out from there. Sharing in this way rekindles the passion, dynamic energy, and emotional intimacy without sacrificing the stability that is so comforting.

     







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