Alexandra Stockwell MD
Alexandra Stockwell MD
I'm Alexandra Stockwell, and I am here to talk about how to have good sex in marriage.
I'm talking about good sex early in a marriage, and also years and decades later.
When I first became a relationship and intimacy expert, after practicing family medicine for about 12 years, it made sense to me to first focus on a couple's emotional connection. Once emotional intimacy was established, we could then focus on the dissatisfaction the couple felt with the quality and/or frequency of their sex life.
What happened next surprised me!
Part #1 on how to have good sex in marriage:
First focus on building rapport and cultivating emotional connection. Be vulnerable with one another and communicate well, so each person feels seen and heard.
When I first became a coach I thought once emotional connection was established then it would be time to turn attention to what was happening in the bedroom...
Part #2 to having good sex in marriage:
In my anecdotal experience, about 80% of the time couples establish deeper emotional intimacy, sensual intimacy naturally follows.
When both members of a couple are willing to be more vulnerable, connect in a more genuine and intimate way, their sensuality improves.
About 20% of the time, I end up giving specific suggestions, exercises, tips and tools to do in the bedroom. But even then, the focus is still on emotional intimacy, honoring one another, quality of attention, and creating good feelings as the foundation for gratifying sexual experiences.
Part #3 on how to have good sex in marriage:
When a couple really loves one another, the challenge often lies in being comfortable with how things have been and uncomfortable trying something new.
It's important to be willing to touch one another in different ways, knowing you're on the same team. If you explore something and it doesn't work at as incredibly as hoped, well, then it's important to be able to laugh together, identify what was learned, and decide how to adjust things next time.
Focus on building and cultivating emotional connection.
Be more vulnerable with one another and learn to communicate well.
Be willing to try new things and learn from the experience.
Question: How to have good sex in marriage??