If Marriage or Infidelity Issues? Grief Over Loss? Inability to Forgive Others or Yourself?
If You Are Finally Ready to Tackle Your Challenges Head On and Find Solutions,
Erik Can Help!

Are You Suffering from Stress? Fear? Anxiety? Bad Relationships? Negativity? Overwhelm? Depression?

Erik Huber | Marriage & Family Therapist, MA, MFT

If you are afflicted with any of the emotional or relational challenges listed above, or dealing with trauma of any kind you can find relief.  Many people think it is just the way it is, and needlessly suffer, but there are advanced methods and therapies available. Quickly identifying and implementing the correct strategies can help you find relief, and put you on a path to healing. 

 
Erik spent 18 of his 20 years in military service as a Navy SEAL.  His experiences in military service and as a civilian helped prepare him to be the excellent therapist he has become.  He has successfully faced many challenges both in and out of the military that uniquely qualify him to help you, his mission is your success.  He can draw from so many different experiences to bring possible solutions and positive outcomes in your life.  If you are ready to overcome and create real change you should consider working with Erik Huber. 

 Erik Huber Marriage Help Counseling in In Carlsbad

Here's How Erik Helps His Clients...

His style is collaborative, working together with you as a teammate focused on your success.

Working With Erik Requires Participation:

  • Doing your homework. The magic doesn’t happen in the Therapy session it happens when you actually apply what has been learned.
  • Applying the concepts and strategies in your life. Real world application is where the magic happens.
  • Then discussing the successes and challenges of the homework you have done is how to work toward mastering concepts.

The more you participate and the more accountable you make yourself to the process of growth will determine how fast and effectively change occurs. He describes himself as a huge fan of Byron Katie and utilizes her highly effective form of self-inquiry called "The Work". Other concepts and therapies he shares with his clients include Stoicism, Mindfulness, Choice Theory, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and so much more. Together?. Erik will challenge you, offer compassion, provide therapeutic strategies and help hold you accountable to yourself for the growth and change that leads you back to a place of happiness and fulfillment.


If you are ready to face your challenge schedule a FREE 20-Minute Discovery Call. Find out how Erik can help you, and if you are a good fit, you can begin your journey of healing, starting today.

 Erik Huber Marriage Help Counseling in In Carlsbad

If You Desire Joy, Fulfillment, Peace of Mind, Confidence, Self-Reliance, Happiness and Self-Empowerment, You Will Want to Pay Close Attention!

Erik says all those things are available but they don’t occur sustainably without intentional, deliberate focus and persistent, consistent action. When presented a challenge here are 7 things to consider:

  1. Put your energy into the solution, don’t put your energy into ruminating on the problem.
  2. Put your energy into things you have control over, don’t squander your energy uselessly on things you can’t control.
  3. Embrace reality by accepting what is, without acceptance it is almost impossible to achieve resolution.
  4. Empower yourself by taking the responsibility of the caring for yourself, don’t uselessly waste your energy on blaming others for your upset.
  5. Ask good questions

    “Now that I find myself in this situation how do I love and support myself and all those I care about to get through this?”

    Don’t ask

    “How can I make it clear to her how upset I am about this?”

    If you ask a good question you are far more likely to get a good answer. If you ask a garbage question you are far more likely to get a garbage answer.
  6. Use the Stoic Philosophy of embracing the obstacle and resolve it, Don’t resist or shy away from the obstacle.
  7. Use Mindfulness Be mindful, practice non-attachment when confronted with unproductive negative thoughts, Don’t attach needlessly to negativity.

Here Are Some of The Challenges We Can Work Through...

  • Thinking - Pervasive Fearful, Negative
  • Emotionally Stuck - Stagnant & Not knowing where to move
    Paralyzing Overwhelm
  • Overcoming - Stress & Anxiety
  • Marriage challenges - Communications problems, Trust issues, Infidelity or a Marital Tune-Up
  • Financial Stress -  Overcoming the repeated thoughts that clog your brain and seem impossible to move past
  • Challenging Relationships - Find yourself at the cross roads and have tried everything to communicate and have had no success.
  • Forgiving Others - You are in a place where you have the inability to Forgive Others or Worse …. Yourself
  • Others - Overwhelm Grief, Loss, Anger, Depression, Stress

 Erik Huber Marriage Help Counseling in In Carlsbad

Erik Huber, LMFT, HMC SEAL USN/Ret. | Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist | Family Man

Erik has had a life full of experiences and achievements, however he has also faced his fair share of personal challenges.  It is the experiences of his life, that inspired him to help others.  He has a passion for compassion, a way of blending persistent demands for success with a caring spirit that truly wants to help others. Here are some of his life journey highlights, perhaps some of his history will resonate with you as you decide on a therapist to pull you through life's challenges
 
  • Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2006
  • Military history: 2 years as 2d Reconnaissance Battalion Marine Corpsman, 18 Years Navy SEAL Corpsman, HMC SEAL USN/Ret.
  • Trained as Life Coach with Tony Robbins
  • 2 Years Recon Marine Corpsman
  • National Ski Patrol, First-Responder | Has Been Volunteering with His Wife for over 10 Years at Bear Mountain & Snow Summit
  • 2 Humanitarian Mission to Haiti
  • Volunteer for "Home Within" providing free therapy for Foster Kids for more than 8 years.
  • Volunteer in Church Bookstore for more than 20 Years.
  • Husband to his Beautiful Wife Debi & Dad to Andrew

If you connect with the man described above and believe he could help you, book a FREE 20-Minute Consultation Call.  Choosing a Therapist is an important decision. Erik recommends whoever you choose speak with them first and ensure you are comfortable and trust him or her to have your best interest at heart. When you feel that confidence you are ready to move forward with the person you have selected.

There is nothing to lose by scheduling your FREE Call!

Here is a Deeper Dive into How You & Erik can Work Together

You may want a more thorough explanation of how Erik addresses the challenges you face, so here are a few ways he helps you work through your issues. 

 

IDR- IDENTIFY/ DISCUSS/ RESOLVE

 

IDENTIFY:  Thoroughly identify exactly what challenge is. Erik says that often his clients are distracted by the (often painful) symptoms that come from a problem and miss out on what the actual cause is. This seems simple, but often the real challenges are hidden, underneath the surface layers. Erik will help you dig deep to find out what the real source of your particular challenge is.  It is critical to have an accurate analysis as you have to target the very thing causing the challenge.

 

DISCUSS:  Now you work together discussing your strengths and challenges for resolving the problem. He will share tools, methods and strategies to deal with it, from a direction of self-empowerment.

 

RESOLVE:  Once the roadmap is fully developed through your discussions, he will walk with you along the way, step by step to keep you on the path toward victory.  He will help you resolve the issue, but your commitment and dedication to overcoming the challenge will determine the speed and level of success you obtain.  Erik encourages you to take notes so you will be more likely to succeed. Your job is to put one foot in front of the other and follow through with determined resolve.


Each step of the way, he will help you adjust when needed. He will build new methods if necessary and keep the process moving forward.  He will gently but with determined accountability move you through the process towards your personal healing.

 

Take the initial step by scheduling your FREE Consultation now. 

Erik's Clients Often Obtain the Following:  


  •  Building a Great Relationship
  •  Creating Discipline & Success
  •  Handling Intense Situations Calmly
  •  Living With Certainty

  •  Obtaining Goals & Dreams
  •  Using Mindfulness to maintain peace of mind
  •  Acceptance
  •  Freedom from guilt, shame, depression, anxiety and negativity
  • FREE 20-Minute Consultation | Let's Discover How I Can Help You

    You Have Nothing To Lose, Everything to Gain

    If You Are Finally Ready to Tackle Your Challenges Head-On & Find Solutions, Erik Stands Ready to Help!

    Marriage Help Counseling in In Carlsbad Erik Huber

     Find Us On These Social Media Platforms

     Testimonials for Erik Huber

    •   I worked with Erik Huber for almost a year now. In the last year, I have witnessed him not only excelling at the core elements of therapy, but I can personally tell you the profound positive impact the man has had in my personal and professional life. That is one of the things about Erik, not only does he demonstrate his therapy mastery with every interaction, but the ability to help me get the results I was seeking despite some incredible obstacles. In fact, I feel like he has equipped me with a broad tool set to handle anything. While my time with Erik continues to pay dividends long past our final meetings, I miss working with him on a weekly basis. I only have optimistic predictions for anything Erik takes on and I know you will benefit as well.  

      I worked with Erik Huber for almost a year now.

    •   I wanted to acknowledge you again for the wonderful energy and enthusiasm that you showed with us at lunch the other day around your learning and how you've put it so easily into your work. FANTASTIC! People that come to you are very fortunate to have you as their teacher, mentor and friend!  

      Gentleman of kindness Helping others feel better The darkness turns to light!

    •   Erik's therapy brought my inner game and my outer game to the next level. I wanted a therapist to help eliminate old patterns of behavior and self-limiting beliefs that were blocking me from experiencing true love and connection. I now implement specific daily habits taught by Erik that transform how I show up in the world. Erik also brought attention and awareness to habits that were not helping me achieve the levels of success I am capable of. His tools continue to empower my life and keep me outside my comfort zone. Erik taught me the most important lesson of all: the power I have is in what I give. You can’t give away something you don’t have. Working with Erik provided awareness and clarity to recognize that I have much to offer the world, I just needed someone to help bring it out of me. I hope you have a great New Years!  

      Erik's therapy brought my inner game and my outer game to the next level.



    Blog Pages For Erik Huber

    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 1/19/2021 3:15:00 PM

    Are you tired of experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, or anger?

    This is what Erik Huber from My Carlsbad Therapist has to say.

    If you are tired of experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, or anger there are many simple processes he can share with you, that will help you get past that. Erik is a huge fan of Byron Katie. One of her simplest concepts is the distinction between reality and our stories about reality.

    Answer is:

    1   We don't have emotional and psychological pain as the result of investing in reality. We have emotional and psychological pain as a result of investing in our stories about reality.

    Here is how “The Work” works

    It all starts with a statement of upset about an event or personal interaction that remains unresolved or unforgiven. Then comes the “Self-Inquiry”. It turns out that we can mislead others but most of us can’t mislead ourselves. The work has four questions and 3 turn arounds:

    1. "Is it true?"
    2. "Can I absolutely know that it's true?"
    3. "How do I feel?", "How do I react when I believe this thought and
    4. “Who would I be without this thought in my life?"

    Ask yourself these questions. Go deep wait for the truth to raise to the surface. The truth ends our argument with reality and frees us from .

    TURN AROUND to SELF –example (statement of upset) “I’m angry at Bob for yelling at me” becomes (turn around) “I’m angry at myself for creating a situation where Bob yelled at me”

    TURN AROUND to OPPISITE –example (statement of upset) “I’m angry at Bob for yelling at me” becomes (turn around) “I’m grateful that Bob yelled at me” or I’m happy I have the growth that came from Bob yelling at me.

    TURN AROUND to OTHER –example (statement of upset) “I’m angry at Bob for yelling at me” becomes (turn around) “I’m angry at me for yelling at Bob”

    For the turn around to be to legitimate there will have to be examples of how it is true and it must be as true or truer than the original statement of upset.

     

    If you ask those questions and you go through the self-inquiry process, it's going to lead you right back to reality, and you're going to go "Oh, that had me so upset and concerned and depressed. It's not true. I don't have to continue investing in this." We end up back with reality. We end up back at peace of mind and we're back on track. Erik has seen it help so many people.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    Deliberate VS Default Mode

    Hi, my name's Erik and I'm going to share with you one of the foundational tools that I use when I'm helping my clients and that is the difference between being deliberate and acting out of default mode.

    Answer is:

    1   When we are deliberate, we're choosing what is in our best interest, the best way that we can support ourselves. When acting out of default, we're allowing reactivity to lead the way, we're not thinking about what we're doing.

    We're just reacting so here's how it comes into play... I'm driving along and someone cuts me off. All of a sudden, I find myself very frustrated, angry at this person. I give them the friendly one finger wave in a honk on the horn. That is default talking leading the way. I'm being problem focused here not thinking what my best response is, I am just reacting.

    The other way of being is deliberate which is resolution focused, instead of problem focused. You have the same person cut you off, and you're thinking "Whoa, that was close, no blood, no foul. Neither car was damaged. There were no injuries involved". How do I best support myself in this? I think the best way I can support myself is not making my happiness contingent on a driver that I'm never going to see again in my life. That's the best way to take care of myself is to deliberately choose the best response.

    Be deliberate. Don't react out of default. You can choose your best response deliberately, or you're going to react out of default.

    My name's Eric Huber. I have a private practice in Carlsbad, California. Please feel free to call me. I have a free 20 minute phone consultation. Thank you






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    Empowerment 101

    My name's Erik Huber and what I'd like to talk to you about is empowerment. I call this "Empowerment 101" and I share this with all my clients. It's very powerful, useful, applicable and simple. You can take this and use it today.

    Answer is:

    1   It takes great wisdom to make things simple and in the book "The Untethered Soul" Mike Singer makes things very simple. He broke the code on how to actually apply empowerment mindfulness into my life.

    What broke the code? It's subject object relation, so are you the phone that you're looking at or are you the chair that you're seated at? You're none of those things. You are the subject observing the objects. That's very simple concept.

    Now I can take it a step further. Let's talk about your thoughts. Are you your fears, your worries, or your concerns?

    The answer is exactly the same. Just as you're not the device, you're not the desk or the chair, you're not your fears, worries and concerns. You are the observer of your thoughts. That means there's more than one part to your perception.


    2   There's more than one part to your ability to think. That deeper part of us is our soul. If you're not spiritually inclined you can just think of it as the deeper part of you.

    There is a deeper part of us that's observing the endless and ceaseless chatter of the ego. The ego has opinions about everything and it expresses those opinions constantly. Have you noticed? It doesn't have to be a subject matter expert on them. It just continues to chatter on with those opinions and there's a deeper part of us that goes "Oh my God, where did that one come from?". We're kind of checking in with that deeper part of ourselves.

    They've done scientific studies claiming that we think 50 to 80,000 thoughts a day. I didn't believe it at first, but we think 50 to 80,000 thoughts and that is this blah, blah, blah... it's the ego. There's a deeper part of us that's going "No, that's not useful information".

    No, that's not useful and we're wiping it off the workbench of our mind constantly. We're doing this all the time, because so much of what we think doesn't require action or it's just so absurd. There's nothing productive I can do with that, so we're just cleaning that mental work bench off all the time.

     


    3   You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.

    The reason I'm telling you about this subject object relation, the reason I'm telling you about the difference between our ego and the deeper part of ourselves, I like to refer to as the soul is because it leads to this distinction, which is super important. 

    Many of us get caught up in these negative thoughts as they occur. It's very detrimental and we think we have no choice. "I was going to have a productive and enjoyable day, but I've thought this negative thought and now the rest of the day is crap" and there's people who believe that and sink but it's not true. You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.

    In the next segment, I'm going to talk to you about another distinction that will blow your mind. It's great stuff so please watch it. If you like this video, I've got plenty of other videos on my website and a free 20 minute phone consultation.

    Please give me a call. Thanks.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:28:00 PM

    Mindfulness Series Part 3

    Hi, this Erik Huber back again. This is part three of our mindfulness series. I want to ask you a very important question. Do you want to be happy? Go ahead and think about that. I probably have an answer already, but the question's not as simple as it seems to be. I'm not asking if you want to be happy, unless you lose your job. I'm not asking, do you want to be happy, unless you have a significant challenge in your life. I'm asking if you want to be happy, if you want to make that the true North of the mental compass of your life.

    Answer is:

    1   If you want to make happiness the true North, your guiding principle for life, then dedicate yourself to being happy and that means when you start veering away from happy, notice it. The closer attention you pay to it, the better you're going to stay on track.

    I'm filming this actually in Carlsbad. If we hopped on a flight right now from San Diego international, went to Hawaii... It's a five-hour flight give or take. Out of that five hours, less than five minutes are actually encores at the right altitude, speed and at the exact right heading. They have to land at a very specific time so they're constantly accelerating because they're going too slow or decelerating cause they're going too fast. They're constantly doing a little minute correction. You can't even notice it, but it's going on constantly and our lives can be like that.

     


    2   If you have happiness as this driving force, that's the direction you're going in your life. The more you pay attention to this, the smaller your corrections will become.

    Here's what happens when we don't pay attention to that. We say "Happiness is important to me” but if that were really true would we allow ourselves to get 180 degrees off course from happiness before noticing there’s something wrong. Pay close attention to maintaining your happiness and make course corrections as soon as possible. Make happiness your direction for life and you'll get better at staying on course.

    I encourage you to empower yourself, be deliberate, stay on course. I'm not saying that you'll never have another difficult or challenging day but the sooner you correct it, the sooner you resolve it, the quicker you'll be back on course.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    Mindfulness Series Part 2

    Hi, Erik Huber. This is part two of our mindfulness series.

    In the first part we talked about the distinction and understanding that you are not your thoughts. Now that we understand that let's go into the distinction between attachment and non-attachment.

    The happiest, most successful, fulfilled and blissed out people think negative thoughts. They're not blissed out because they don't think the negative thoughts. They're blissed out because they know what to do with negative thoughts.

    Answer is:

    1   Non-attachment is a concept which states that when I have a negative thought, I have a choice as to whether or not I attach or practice non-attachment.

    When we have a negative thought, we don't get into trouble because we thought. We get into trouble because we latch onto it and we go for the full ride. Not because we had a negative thought but because we attached to it. Don't attach to those negative thoughts. If attachment is the enemy, what's the solution? What's the cure? It is the non-attachment. Not attaching to it looks like I have a choice. Do I want to attach to this or do I want to practice non-attachment? When you put that choice in front of you, it makes so much more sense to say "No, I don't want to attach to this".

    Have you ever heard of the old adage for an angry person? The adage is "never say a word in anger until after counting to 10". Well, there's nothing magical about counting to 10. There's something very magical about placing something between stimulus and response. We're putting non-attachment between stimulus and response. We're not acting out of default, we're being deliberate.

    When I have a new theory that seems promising, I put it to the test and if it doesn't work for me, I'm not confident sharing it with my clients.

    This worked for me. The experiment that I performed was on my dogs. I used to get very frustrated with my dogs barking. I read this book and learned about non-attachment so I waited for the dogs to bark. I was already halfway to upset when I said "Timeout!". Instead of fully attaching myself to frustration about the dogs barking, I'm going to practice non-attachment. Could it really be that simple? I wonder what's for lunch and all of a sudden I'm just going on with my day because I practiced non-attachment. I could have attached again and get upset at the dogs. I could have gone to anger but I practiced non-attachment. It's really that simple.

    If you like this video, I've got a lot more on my website and I've got a free 20 minute phone consultation. I'd love to hear from you. 


    2   When I have a new theory that seems promising, I put it to the test and if it doesn't work for me, I'm not confident sharing it with my clients. This worked for me. The experiment that I performed was on my dogs.

    I used to get very frustrated with my dogs barking. I read this book and learned about non-attachment and waited for the dogs to bark. I was already halfway to upset when I said "timeout!". Instead of fully attaching myself to frustration about the dogs barking, I'm going to practice non-attachment. Could it really be that simple? I wonder what's for lunch and all of a sudden I'm just going on with my day because I practiced non-attachment. I could have attached again and get upset at the dogs. I could have gone to anger but I practiced non-attachment. It's really that simple.

    If you like this video, I've got a lot more on my website and I've got a free 20 minute phone consultation. I'd love to hear from you. 


    3  

    When I have a new concept or theory that seems promising, I put it to the test and if it doesn't work for me, I'm not confident sharing it with my clients.

    This worked for me. The experiment that I performed was on my dogs. I used to get very frustrated with my dogs barking. I read this book and learned about non-attachment so I waited for the dogs to bark. As expected they barked (NOTE) I was already halfway to upset before I caught it and applied non-attachment. Instead of fully attaching myself to frustration about the dogs barking, I'm going to practice non-attachment. Non-attachment states that I have the power of choice right now in this situation. So I can choose to be frustrated again or I can choose no-attachment. Can it really be that simple? Just recognize I have a choice and choose wisely is that all there is to it? I suddenly recognized that I was no longer upset, frustrated or victimized. The next thought was profound…. “I wonder what's for lunch” and all of a sudden I'm just going on with my day because I practiced non-attachment. I could have attached again and get upset at the dogs. I could have gone to anger but I practiced non-attachment. It's really that simple.

    If you like this video, I've got a lot more on my website and I've got a free 20 minute phone consultation. I'd love to hear from you. 






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    How to get out of your comfort zone?

    Hi, I'm Erik Huber and I'd like to talk to you about one of the biggest problems I see with my clients. They have negative behaviors that diminish how they look at themselves, their level of confidence, their level of fulfillment. It makes them very unhappy with their life and yet they continue to do them over and over and over again.

    Answer is:

    1   For the lack of a better alternative, we're going to keep going with what we know. This process is called a comfort zone. It's called the comfort zone because it's so familiar and we're going to keep doing it until we're ready to leave the comfort zone and go with a better alternative.

    We're in this comfort zone when our goal is somewhere else. Do you notice that these two don't intersect? What does that tell us? If I want to get from my comfort zone to the goal, I'm going to have to leave my comfort zone.

    I had a client, he was an engineer, really smart guy. He was a nuclear Navy chief. We bonded on that chief level since I was the chief in the Navy as well. He wanted to make residual income using commercial real estate. He was Booksmart and not so people smart. He had a huge hangup and had stalled for months on moving forward with this commercial real estate stuff because he couldn't even make contact with people who wanted to sell their property. We ended up talking about the 10 properties he is interested in. If he contacted 10 people, how many people would have to respond positively for him to call it a success? He said 3 out of 10 were a success.

    10 people, 10 contacts, 7 out of 10 said "Yes". Guess what? Huge win, bigger than he expected. His comfort zone has grown. He's had so much success in doing this thing he was frightened to do. He's had so much success that his comfort zone has now expanded and he's pretty comfortable initiating contact with people who are selling properties. That was difficult, but not nearly as difficult as begging people for money. Getting investors is terrible. How many people out of 10 would it take to be successful? So he calls 10 people and again six out of 10. Want to go to the next step?

    He's got a great way about him. He's very unassuming, very humble, very intelligent. He has his ducks in a row. People are impressed with him and what it takes. What's the criteria for him to be interested in that property and why it's a good deal for you to be invested in it. Six out of 10 people said "Yes, I'm interested in what you got to offer". Now his comfort zone is growing some more and one of the things he told me is that he's really embracing this stuff.

    He said "One of my favorite things to do now is to embrace the discomfort of growth that I just get high on it. It's just beautiful." Later on he explained that he got eight properties now and he's talking to the owner of a hospital about investing in a multiunit high-rise apartment complex. The hospital owner says "Well, but I don't invest in things that small but your business sense, your intelligence, the way you set this all up, you have what it takes" and got invited by someone on board to this multinational conglomerate where he's a COO for doing huge things. They are building high rises and power plants in Malaysia and runways in New Zealand. He's a millionaire now and our last call was at four in the morning. He's living in Dubai now, and it's four in the morning and it's like "Hey, I can't keep this up. I really appreciate all your help, but I'm too busy to continue with the coaching and this is going to be our last call". I get totally get it. If you need me, I'm here. This is a great success story. I would say that he owes this just phenomenal rise to success from doing this. He took his comfort zone and I would say he ended up with so much beyond his original goal.

    If you want to get out of this diminishing negative behavior that doesn't get you anywhere, if you want to get to that point where you're reaching for the better alternative, rather than stuck in the comfort zone... this is the process!

    If you liked this video, I got a bunch more and a free 20 minute phone consultation. I would love to hear from you. Give me a call. 






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    Empowerment Part 1

    Hi, I'm Erik Huber and this is going to be the first segment in a three-part presentation about empowerment. If I had to name just one thing that causes more emotional and psychological pain than anything else, it would be this. It comes from Dr. William Glasser. He came up with choice theory. I'm a huge fan, got to work with him for a couple of years. He coined this term called External Control Psychology.

    Answer is:

    1   External Control Psychology example

    An example of External Control Psychology would be:

    My day was going great until I ride a motorcycle and I was cut off in traffic.

    Here's the logic:

    I was happy.

    Then he cut me off.

    Now I'm upset.

    He made me mad.

     


    2   External Control Psychology states that other people control how I think act and feel.

    When we buy into that, it's a bad trip. We're going in a really bad direction because it leads to blame. As soon as we go to blame we have to accept the role of victim.

    As soon as I say that he's responsible for how I feel, I've given the power to him. The victimizer has the power. The victim does not have the power. This external control psychology leads to blame. Victim leads to disempowerment. If you want to hear more, watch the second section. It gets even better.

    If you like this video please visit my website. There's plenty more. I have a free 20 minute phone consultation. I would love to hear from you. Thank you.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    Empowerment Part 2

    Hi, I'm Erik Huber and this is the second installment of the empowerment presentation. I want to share with you a combination of choice theory. 

    Answer is:

    1   Choice theory in a nutshell is the belief that I cannot control the events that occur in my life, but I have a hundred percent control over how I respond to them. The other component of this is the work of Byron Katie, which states that reality is our friend. It's our stories about reality that's the enemy and it's all about self-inquiry.

    I put these two things together and I came up with this diagram. Here's the diagram; event, interpretation, emotional response.

    Here's the logic:

    How much control do you have over the events you're aware of in the world? You may be saying none. Most people do, but you're watching this video and you're making it to work on time. You're making decisions and living your life. You're wanting to seven and a half billion. You have very little control of the events you're aware of.

    How about this interpretation? How much control do you have over your interpretation? Of the events that you're aware of in the world? Well, this is an easier one. That's that's my domain. I have complete control over my interpretation and so do you. It may not seem like it at times, but we have control over our interpretation.

    Now there's a cause and effect relationship between interpretation and emotional response. Try to think of any time in your life you've had any emotional response. Happy, sad, mad, glad, any emotional response at all. Have you ever had an emotional response that wasn't directly preceded by an interpretation that led to it now?

    I've asked hundreds and hundreds of people and no one comes up with an exception. Some people try but you can tell they're argumentative. I haven't found an exception to it yet. If you have confined one, I'd love to hear it.


    2   If I don't like the emotional response that I'm stewing in, if I don't like the effect, I should go back to the cause. Now the problem is our culture, society and religion reinforces and teaches us that this is not the way to deal with stuff.

    Our culture, religion and society teaches us that the event is the cause of our pain, not our interpretation about it, but the event itself because it's something external to us.

    As soon as we employ blame, we say "I'm a victim in this situation" and I give my power away to the event. The event usually has absolutely no way of capitalizing on this. It doesn't realize that you've given your power away to it. You're going to expend energy either way you go. I'll validate why I'm right, justify why the other person's wrong. I'll commiserate with my friends and I'll get them to say "Erik, you have every reason to be upset. If he cut me off like that, I'd be angry too". If you look at that, they're actually encouraging you to remain miserable. They're not helping you to resolve it. I think that validating our friends, that's an important part of our friendship but don't validate people when they're being a victim. Validate them when they're resolving their stuff. We expend energy either way with resolution or with the victim blame root.

     


    3   I encourage you to deliberately choose resolution instead of reacting out of anger, default emotion, sadness, depression. I want you to ask yourself "What is my best response in this situation?" and it's going to lead you towards resolution. I just want you to know that you have a choice.

    Viktor Frankl was a Jew from Austria. He was in four different Nazi concentration camps and he was a MD psychiatrist before they locked him up. He made a discovery in the concentration camp which was that the Nazis can't take from me, the ability to love and support myself.

    I think I could persuade a thousand out of a thousand people that Victor Frankel had every reason to blame the Nazis for this terrible ordeal he was going through. He was a victim to the Nazis but in spite of everybody around him feeling like a victim and blaming the Nazis, he said "I'm going to love and support myself through this good choice". What an incredible example. During this absolutely atrocious, terrible experience, he's loving and supporting himself. He's resolving, taking care of himself through that.

    It leads me to this question "Do any of you have anything going on in your life? That's worse than a Nazi concentration camp?". If the answer is "No" you have a choice to empower yourself and it happens by you taking responsibility for yourself, looking at resolution rather than the problem.

    If you like this video, I got a bunch more on my website.

    Please feel free to give them a look. I got a free 20 minute phone consultation and I'd love to hear from you. Thanks a lot.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:45:00 PM

    3 Types of Business Part 1

    Hi, my name's Erik Huber and now I'd like to speak to you about three types of business by Byron Katie. I'm a huge fan of work of Byron Katie. She has a ton of videos on YouTube and she's absolutely phenomenal at what she does. Give it a watch so you can fall in love with her too.

    Answer is:

    1   Today we're talking about three types of business. My business, your business, and God's business. If you don't believe in God, you can change that word for reality. For me there is absolutely no difference between God and reality but if you don't believe in God that may work better for you.

    Let's start with God's business. God's business is keeping the universe in equilibrium. It's keeping the earth spinning on its access at the right speed and rotating the sun at the right velocity. It's knowing where the next tsunami is going to hit and things that are beyond our pay grade.

     


    2   Let's talk about my business.

    When I say "my business" I mean "Erik's business". My business is taking care of Erik. It's my job to clothe, feed and exercise. I know that there's a lot of emotional and psychological things that I have to do to feel fulfilled and satisfied. I need to contribute in a meaningful way, have meaningful relationships, have vulnerability in my life and I love to play serve ski sale, motorcycle etc. I do love to play so if I do a good job at this, I can fill my cup. That is my responsibility. It's not your responsibility to fill my cup. It's Erik's responsibility to fill Erik's cup. If you get right down to it, I'm about the only one who can do it now. You may be thinking right now that I take so much pleasure when other people are positive or stroke my ego, or are kind to me. Yes, but it has to pass through. If it's happening to Erik, it has to pass through the Erik's filter and he can then blame them for him feeling good but the truth is Erik takes in the data. Erik interprets it a certain way and then he says "Well, I do like me. I am a good person" and it's a confirmation of that, which we already believe about ourselves, but here's validation of it and that feels good. It's me making me feel good about me and then blaming them for it.

    We can also be upset and blame other people for that, but we'll get to that in a little bit. My business is taking care of me. Some of you may be thinking, well, that sounds so selfish. The truth is it is selfish, but there's good selfish and bad selfish. Good selfish is when you're on a plane, they say in case of emergency depressurization an oxygen mask will descend from the compartment above and where did they tell you to put that mask? Exactly. They say, put it on your own face first. Why is it selfish to do that? Well, the reason they want you to do that is because if you're unconscious, laying on the floor, you can't help the people on either side, you have to take good care of yourself to be at full capacity so that you can be of benefit to the people on either side. It's good a selfish. Bad selfish is when my goal is just beyond you. I guess I'll just trample all over you to get to what I want. Is that okay? No. It's rude, don't do that.  Look for the win-win. If it's not win-win, there's something wrong with it. Go back to the drawing board and look for the win-win.

    In the next installation, we're going to talk about your business. I don't mean you who are watching the video right now. I mean, anybody outside of Eric's business, that would be your business for me. I'm going to tell you that about that in the next installment.

    If you like this video I've got a bunch more on my website. Please give them a look. I have a free 20 minute phone consultation and I'd love to hear from you.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 1:54:00 PM

    3 Types Of Business Part 2

    Hi, my name's Erik Huber. Previously we talked about three types of business. The three types of business and we talked about were God's business and my business.

    Answer is:

    1   Now we're going to talk about your business. That means from my perspective, everybody external to Erik. That's your business out there.

    We're going to do it from the perspective of how to deal with challenges in relationship. Here's the scenario.

    I was upset with my wife and I was late for work. I was starting to take the trash out and she says "Don't worry about that, Erik. I got it. You get to work. I'll take care of it". I had it out from under the counter but I hadn't taken it out and so I said "Okay, thanks" and off to work. I get home that day and we're expecting company. My wife did not take out the trash. Not a huge problem, unless you have two puppies that have access to it. Now there is trash strewn all over the first floor, a good portion onto the second floor and we're expecting company. I was looking forward to getting the grill ready and relaxing. Istead, I'm working feverously at cleaning the house and with every piece of trash I picked up I'm resenting she shouldn't have promised me. She should have followed through at night. I'm working myself up. I know it's silly and it happens. As I am shooting on my wife, she shouldn't have done this and she should have done that, whose business am I in? When I'm judging her negatively, I'm in her business. This is an educated, intelligent person that has a lot on the ball. She's got her own business. She's highly successful. She doesn't need me to tell her how to take the trash out. I'm definitely in her business. And how does it feel? Please answer this question internally. How does it feel when I am judging harshly, the person I care most about on the planet. That the technical psychological term for this is crappy. It feels crappy when you judge the people you care the most about. If I share it with her, then she can feel crappy too but that's not the punchline. The punchline is the answer to this question. When I am in her business judging her harshly, who's taking care of Erik? That's the relevant question here. No one's taking care of Erik. Whose job is it to take care of Erik? It's Erik's job. That's my responsibility. I'm the one who's supposed to be taking care of me, but I said 'No. That's not my priority. My priority is being in her business and judging her harshly and focusing on that". Then who do I blame? Let's say, I spend four hours that afternoon being very upset. Who put the energy into that? Her or me, it was me. And then I, then that night I can't go to sleep. Why I'm so upset about the trash situation? Who put the energy into keeping me awake? Was she nagging me about what a terrible job she did? I'm just reliving and ruminating on that. That was my energy on the one who kept me awake. I spent four hours in the afternoon and four hours staying awake that night and who do I blame? Yes, her, but only a hundred percent. Look what you did to me, but who put the energy into it? I'm in her business. While I'm in her business. I'm not taking care of me.


    2   Understanding whose business you're in is very important. I need to stay in my business.

    I need to take care of Erik and if I do a good job of taking care of Erik, then I can help Debbie, my clients, my friends, my son and my dogs. I have more value to my sphere of influence when I take good care of me.

    You will have more value to your sphere of influence when you take good care of yourself. Know what's your business and know what's my business.

    If you liked this video I got a bunch more on my website and I have a free 20 minute phone consultation.

    I'd love to hear from you.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 12/11/2020 2:16:00 PM

    How to get past traumatic experiences?

    Hi, my name is Erik Huber and I want to talk to you about a dilemma that many of my clients fall into. Especially one of the places I see this happen very frequently is with parents. If a parent loses a child or a parent has a child who has a catastrophic accident, that's going to affect the rest of their life. These devastating big things affect them, and they're miserable for months and years sometimes. I can think of clients that have been pathologically grieving the loss of a son for five years. Other clients that had diminishing injuries that two years later they're so miserable and upset about the plight that their child has to go through. Their daily experiences are one of misery. 

    Answer is:

    1   I want to talk to you about how to get past these situations. I call it "The man in the wealth story" and it goes like this...

    It's a metaphorical man. He falls into a metaphorical crowded New York downtown neighborhood well. He is in a sinkhole. He can sheer people. He can hear people walking by so he's saying "help, help" and no one's stopping. People are talking on their phone, going by and avoiding the sink hole. He's so upset with the people not listening to him and hours go by. He's yelling and screaming for help and people are just ignoring him. Finally, a guy comes up to the edge of the scene, colon. He goes "Hey, are you okay?" and the guy says "No, they're disrespecting me. It's not fair. It's so unreasonable. People should help. They should at least call the 911 but no, they're not helping." and the guy says back to him "Oh my God, I couldn't agree with you more." and he jumps in. Now, they're both very upset that no one will stop and help them so they were both yelling and yelling and yelling. Finally, this woman stops and she says "Hey, are you guys okay?" and they say "No, they're not listening. It's not fair. They're disrespecting us." and she goes "Oh, would you like me to lower a rope?" and they said "Oh, a rope. It's a good idea. Yeah, I think so. We'd like a rope". So she ties a rope off and lowers it down. They climb out of the sink hole. Now we've got all three out and that's the whole story. They're rescued.

    Now we can ask three important questions.

    The first guy that was in the well, did it help him for the second guy to jump in the water with him?

    No, it didn't. He was still stuck in the, well, the second guy.

    The second guy, did it help him to jump in the well with the first guy?

    No, clearly it did not help him at all.

    Third question, the woman who lowered the rope, if she would have jumped in the well with them, could she have rescued them?

    No.

    The moral of the story is don't jump into well, if someone is in this low place. They need you to be the rock in the midst of the stormy sea that they are trapped in. They need you to keep your positive spirits. They need you to take good care of yourself. They need your positivity, your laughter, your humor. They need you leading them away from the misery and towards happiness, joy and fulfillment. That's what our friends need for it.


    2   The philosophy behind this one little story is so helpful for these parents.

    I asked one of my clients "What kind of parent would be happy, fulfilled, and joyful while their son is miserable?" and the client said "Oh, a terrible parent.That would be the most un-empathetic thing in the world." and I disagree with him. I think it would be an effective parent that would remain joyful, happy, fulfilled and share that happiness, fulfillment and joy with their child. That person does not need more misery and what are you bringing to the table? Bringing misery. Do they need more misery? No.

    If you liked this video, I got a bunch more on my website and I have a free 20 minute phone consultation.

    Please give me a call. I'd love to hear from you.






    Answer is:


    Answered by: Erik
    Erik Huber
    Website | Email | More Details
    Updated 1/19/2021 3:46:00 PM

    Add your question here

    Add any text to elaborate on the question here

    Answer is:

    1   This is what Erik Huber from My Carlsbad Therapist has to sa

    This is what Erik Huber from My Carlsbad Therapist has to say.

    If you are tired of experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, or anger there are many simple processes he can share with you, that will help you get past that. Erik is a huge fan of Byron Katie. One of her simplest concepts is the distinction between reality and our stories about reality.

    The Work of Byron Katie is one Answer:

    1. We don't have emotional and psychological pain as the result of investing in reality. We have emotional and psychological pain as a result of investing in our stories and judgment about reality.

    Here is how “The Work” works

    It all starts with a statement of upset about an event or personal interaction that remains unresolved or unforgiven. Then comes the “Self-Inquiry”. It turns out that we can mislead others but most of us can’t mislead ourselves. The work has four questions and 3 turn arounds:







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